Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Three minutes/Five minutes
I was Stumbling through the interwebs and came across this video "Leave Me" produced by Daros Films. I was absolutely blown back at just how much this short affected me. Although the three minute version has a few edited lines from the original that sound (and looked) forced, it still passes the same message. Love. To have the choice to give up everything you know, even your family, for just another moment with someone you love is paralyzing. Daros has really struck a chord with me on this one, because the first time I watched it, I can admit, I cried. I am cognizant to the idea of losing some one quite close to me, and suffering the same emotions. My dear and longtime friend was killed in a car accident less that a month before I was to fly over the pond to visit him. I placed blame on myself due to the fact that prior to his accident I was speaking with him on the phone. I had pleaded that we stay chatting for a few minutes longer, which was delaying him from leaving the house. Had I hung up when he said he had to go, would he still be alive? Another bonus to the "make you cry" ratio is the eloquent, heartbreaking score Daros has used. The simple, single stroke, morose piano could disarm even the strongest heart when faced with this type of situation. So to sum it all up, this video is like a replay for me. I commend Daros Films for this short. They truly captured the essence of a lost love. You can see the five minute submission here.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Another monday. May the wind always be at your back.
Alright, first crack at a new blog! It has been more that a number of months since I have posted anything resembling a blog. I though I would take a fresh look at it and start over.
I am a "Jill of all trades", a mom, a part time worker, and a student. I play manager at my work by cleaning up the remainder (everything) of work there is to do, but certainly don't get the pay for it, nor the recognition. I still refuse to take the job though, contrary to the beliefs of my co-workers. If given the option to take a better job, I would, though it would not be the position of manager where I currently work. Disastrous.
I am a Mom, which is fantastic! All parents say how their children are "incredibly bright!" or "truly gifted", or even "genius". I wont go that far, he needs time to develop his own sickening smugness without getting any help from me. He is, however, quite clever. Mrs. B (our daycare provider) employs my sons cleverness to aid in the safety of all the other kids in daycare. When she buys a child safety product, before she totally installs it, she has my son test it out. If he can get it open, it isn't good enough and she goes and purchases something else. At one year old, he was getting door-handle covers off and cabinet locks open. Definitely keeps me on my toes.
So I survived my first week of being back at college, and I'm trying to stay ahead of schedule on assignments as to not get lazy and fall behind. So far I have impressed my sell by not falling off task. I have never been much for school, especially high school, college on the other hand was a release. I hated the whole format of high school, it never catered to my "educational needs". College on the other hand, I can set my own schedule, and still have time to study and take care of my family. To have the ability to escape and have free time to study or just decompress.
Right now though, I have had a lot of decision making to do. Without getting deep in to details, these changes will be life altering, negatively, and positively. But any decision I make, if they are to better myself, and to better my ability to be a mother, are they the right ones? I fall in to the deep chasm of being a people pleaser. I have a horrible problem of making sure everyone else is ok before I take care of myself. Its a lonely situation in which I have no resolution. I "rely" (the correct word escapes me, possibly lean) on those who are close to me to guide my decisions, my friends who have been closer to me than family. It is a priceless gift, and there is no payment in which I can give that would be equal, less doing the same for them.
It's 0327 and I am still awake. With a flood of emotions and ideas that I cannot shut off, I find it difficult to (as I pause to think of what to say) articulate my next thought. Therapy as of yet has not helped to find the shut-off. I hope, that with time, I wont feel guilty for decisions I make. I must come to the realization that not all partys will be fond of my decisions. There is no way to make everyone happy, there is always going to be someone displeased. The ability I need is to not guilt myself over others emotions, I have no way of controlling how they feel. I can say it all I want, the problem is enforcing that thought and living by it. Another in a line of self improvement practices I must enforce to make my life better for myself.
As for now though, those decisions will have to wait, their time will come. I have a long day tomorrow of packing the Christmas tree, entertaining my son, and spending some time with my best friend. For now, may the road rise up to meet you.
I am a "Jill of all trades", a mom, a part time worker, and a student. I play manager at my work by cleaning up the remainder (everything) of work there is to do, but certainly don't get the pay for it, nor the recognition. I still refuse to take the job though, contrary to the beliefs of my co-workers. If given the option to take a better job, I would, though it would not be the position of manager where I currently work. Disastrous.
I am a Mom, which is fantastic! All parents say how their children are "incredibly bright!" or "truly gifted", or even "genius". I wont go that far, he needs time to develop his own sickening smugness without getting any help from me. He is, however, quite clever. Mrs. B (our daycare provider) employs my sons cleverness to aid in the safety of all the other kids in daycare. When she buys a child safety product, before she totally installs it, she has my son test it out. If he can get it open, it isn't good enough and she goes and purchases something else. At one year old, he was getting door-handle covers off and cabinet locks open. Definitely keeps me on my toes.
So I survived my first week of being back at college, and I'm trying to stay ahead of schedule on assignments as to not get lazy and fall behind. So far I have impressed my sell by not falling off task. I have never been much for school, especially high school, college on the other hand was a release. I hated the whole format of high school, it never catered to my "educational needs". College on the other hand, I can set my own schedule, and still have time to study and take care of my family. To have the ability to escape and have free time to study or just decompress.
Right now though, I have had a lot of decision making to do. Without getting deep in to details, these changes will be life altering, negatively, and positively. But any decision I make, if they are to better myself, and to better my ability to be a mother, are they the right ones? I fall in to the deep chasm of being a people pleaser. I have a horrible problem of making sure everyone else is ok before I take care of myself. Its a lonely situation in which I have no resolution. I "rely" (the correct word escapes me, possibly lean) on those who are close to me to guide my decisions, my friends who have been closer to me than family. It is a priceless gift, and there is no payment in which I can give that would be equal, less doing the same for them.
It's 0327 and I am still awake. With a flood of emotions and ideas that I cannot shut off, I find it difficult to (as I pause to think of what to say) articulate my next thought. Therapy as of yet has not helped to find the shut-off. I hope, that with time, I wont feel guilty for decisions I make. I must come to the realization that not all partys will be fond of my decisions. There is no way to make everyone happy, there is always going to be someone displeased. The ability I need is to not guilt myself over others emotions, I have no way of controlling how they feel. I can say it all I want, the problem is enforcing that thought and living by it. Another in a line of self improvement practices I must enforce to make my life better for myself.
As for now though, those decisions will have to wait, their time will come. I have a long day tomorrow of packing the Christmas tree, entertaining my son, and spending some time with my best friend. For now, may the road rise up to meet you.
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